The love of a father

I know not all can relate to the love of a father, i for a long time didn’t know what the love from a father is like, but today God gave me a loving hug from a father figure at church today, and after that i felt better.

Earlier I was struggling with all sorts of feelings and thoughts that were troubling me, it was like i was just complaining about something, i didn’t like how i felt and i didn’t want to be in church feeling the way i was, I was having a hard time wanting to listen to the preaching and not much of it helped, it actually felt like there was no anointing (or for those who don’t know what that means, i didn’t feel god was speaking on his voice, it sounded like a man preaching) at all on what was said except a few excerpts stood out to me, but mostly it was boring and didn’t tug at my heart strings or address my soul’s need for love right then.

I had it in my mind at one point “i don’t need a self help message, i need a message with power and fire…..” and wanted to get up to leave and let myself feel like i was getting up to leave but i didn’t. I stayed.

Then came the end of the sermon and they prayed for people and i spoke to some people but today i didn’t feel like wanting to help pack up, even though i normally help pack up, i just didn’t feel like it, i didn’t make a big issue of it, i just didn’t really do much about trying to help except i went to pack up a cord and someone else said they’d do it so i let it be. I walked around just feeling lonely i think, i went to speak to a girl hoping to be able to talk more to her and ask her if she wanted to catch up after church but she wanted to go talk to someone before i could get the words out and said she’d be back. Then i just thought to leave i wasn’t feeling like being there as i was about to leave past the point of no return, my friend from church Alistar called out to me and we chatted he ‘picked my brain’ on a spiritual matter he came across somewhere at another church and then as we parted ways he hugged me.

That hug made up all the difference i needed today to feel at home in myself, i didn’t care so much about catching up with that girl, its as though what i wanted which was to hang out with her, was really a cry for love. After Alistar hugged me i felt so much better, i was loved. That’s what i needed, good warm love  from a father type person, well that’s how i saw it, it may’ve been love full stop and may not have mattered whether it came from a man or woman, but it seems right that it was a man that met my love craving in my heart and soul, like it bought me to a place that felt warm and loving in my heart that had it not have happened the way it did, i doubt i would’ve experienced it for the rest of the day.

God thank you for loving me today and giving me a fatherly hug through your son Alistar, i love you and know i am loved more than i did before, thanks Jesus for bringing me to church when i didn’t even think i wanted to go, and thank you holy spirit for allowing me to feel the spiritual love the way i felt it and saw it.

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