Today was hard, i had a wave of emotion that was troubling my soul greatly, i wanted to burst, i wanted to talk about something but i had no reference other than i think i hated someone or something or was angry, it seemed to stem from my past.
Eventually i went to get a bus and at the bus stop i let out something about my mum that was burdening me in my soul and my core, and i let out some words that sounded bad but let me feel a lot better afterwards. I got on the bus feeling relieved more so than before i got on.
Then i went for a walk, i expected i may do more expression of these emotions that were troubling me lately, i started to do that at some point when walking in the bush but it didnt seem to be the thing that was needed, so i walked, i walked a long long walk, i needed it, it was beneficial to my soul and heart. i walked further than i anticipated and at first i felt like i was worn out in my body and i wouldnt be able to walk very far, that wasn’t true, for i walked a lot further than i normally would of in most circumstances, and i felt so much better afterwards, it released a lot of feel good chemicals in my system and i relaxed a whole lot more and felt no sense of being worn out like i did when i started to walk. My body was lieing to me, or if it wasnt, and i actually was worn out, it didnt matter, i accomplished something greater than my emotions were allowing me to see, and the experience of moving was of greater value to my body and heart, than being stagnant and not being expressive of myself and moving like i needed to.
I know depression is a challenging thing for people who suffer with it, in it, it seems to make no sense and many if not all roads you look at seem to be burdened with no end to the trauma or trial you’re going through, but sometimes a nice long walk in the bush without any agenda is all you need, its easy to be self focused while depressed, and thats the main problem with it, its because we are self focused that is part of causing the problem, looking at all our problems or some of them and our failings and mishaps, trying to fix a problem that seems to keep going and going and going.
More often that not we are in need of some feel good hormones and chemicals in our system when we are down and lethargic, and moving seems like the dreaded thing it can be sometimes, but really it can be quite helpful and relieve the pressure, and clear things up in the head so we can see and feel better that things are not so bad as we thought, although if i didnt get paid today, i may not have had the ability to move about as much, so money helped, in saying that i think i may’ve made the effort to move more had i had no finances, but that wasnt the case so until a time like that comes up i dont know what i’d do in that situation.
I think the reality is, our body has a lot to do with how we feel in our soul, or more to the point our soul has a lot to do with how we feel in our body, and when our soul is out of line, our body can be out of line, and our body can lie to us and so can our soul, but when things are put in order and the true nature of who you are is used, you can change how you feel, when the body starts working the way its meant to, it can change things and show you what you didnt see previously, its known that our soul, heart mind and body and spirit are all interconnected, but often we dont know how to use them in order, im still unaware as to the right order, but in another use of the word order, when we do what is orderly and use our body or soul the way its mean to be used, we often fine things will line up.
Negative emotions that plague us and feelings of unworthiness or revenge or jealously or hatred towards ourselves or others are sometimes from a place that something is out of order in our thinking or beliefs to be blunt lies can cause those feelings, sometimes its the truth that brings up those and other emotions like those, but often lies are the source of our depression or sadness or guilt (well excessive unwarrented guilt) sometimes in both our body and our souls we need a dose of truth, and god has ordered it in our bodies and souls and spirit that when we do good, our body will help us and we can feel a whole lot better because we are doing something thats inline with the truth, theres more to ponder on that but i think it seems apt to let your mind follow its own path on understanding about doing whats true, there are many examples that could be used but for now its more appropiate that i allow your soul to feed on the truth of what it knows, sometimes you actually know the truth that you are avoiding doing, and a simple matter of walking in the bush or going on ride on a bike or even going on an adventure with a friend can give you those feelings needed to see things better for that day, and remind you of what you need to do or think in a certain area.