There is an obvious lack of incentive in the job market right now, there is less jobs available for the people who are in need and are not as qualified as others.
I have struggled with finding a job now for over 2 years, even though i have a job that supplies me with low hours even though its a nice job, it cant supply all i want and sometimes all i need, that is even though i get what i need there are somethings i need at certain times that i have to wait to get and saving can be difficult on a low income, i have a problem now where because i used to be so tight with spending and skimped on things so i could save, i now have a new found joy of buying random things like drinks and food mostly drinks when i go out as a way to have fun and enjoy myself.
This is not really what its cracked up to be, it seems on one hand i am having fun and enjoying myself but i think underneath it all im medicating for a deeper lack of self worth that would enable me to be more than what i am if i had it in its entirety.
Here i am a christian 32 years old being in the world and trying not to be of it but i have this love for money and not always but when i have it i love it at times not consciously though and i use it flippantly without any regard for the fact i need to save it and use it wisely, im so caught up in the ‘spend’ that i forget or lack diligence to care about the need i have, for instance saving up to buy another car licence, this bothers me greatly, i see a need i know i could do it if i could get past not buying anything out of the norm and just buy groceries at the supermarket and not get anything extra like coffee or soft drink at a take away shop.
But here i am suffering with this godless mentality of living for myself, why do i get away with it in my conscience? why does the spirit of god not convict me? why am i left to fend my need off with lack of care and love for the fact i need a licence to drive so i can move around when i eventually get a car or drive someone elses and it increases job prospects?
This troubles me greatly, i see it a serious problem that we in society some of us dont have a working conscience, we cant apply the law to it even if we wanted to, this is a trouble that makes no sense to me, its like i know the truth in my mind but my heart wont comprehend ‘hey i have a problem i need to stop and do something different,’
Where is the justice? i dont see it, what i do see is a bunch of demons in my room that hound me and trouble my soul deeply and wound me in my heart and soul in such a way where i feel abandoned and rejected by god because i expect him to deliver me but im still suffering with the problem of these demonic spirits, yet in my heart and mind in other areas im quite okay with who i am and am not troubled and see god will get me out of this demonic assault and harassment. Where do i go to get a conscience cleanse? it seems that the bible says the blood of jesus cleanses my conscience from dead works to serve the living god and i accept that as truth, its just that my conscience is still at times troubled with things that i have done that are dead and uselss, and i find it deplorable that i can even write this comment on the internet and not let you know i hate the room i live in and want to get out and live, i have so many things i have in my heart that i want to do, but somehow im caught in whirlwind of darkness and confusion that sits in my mind and heart and soul and im like i’ve had enough.
There is a battle going on and its not going to be won by one lone person struggling to find his way, its going to be won by many ways and in one way, which is, the body of believers in christ jesus making amends with there heart and soul and expressing there heart felt desires on the earth, the enemy is afraid and he hates us, because we get to live where he wont, and we get to love what he cant, we get to change what he cant, and we get to be who he’ll never be, children, sons and daughters of god.
He doesnt want you to know that you build your life on earth to live it in eternity, i read on a site yesterday on the Focus on the Family website where someone reiterated a dream they had where there father who was dead came to them in the dream and said to them
“You know what I’ve learned?” he quipped. “I’ve learned that it really does matter in heaven what you do on the earth.”
This has been brewing in my mind since i read it yesterday thinking about the idea of eternity, its like its come to my mind now that when we build something on earth in love and in christ it last forever and i dont know what those things we build look like in eternity but judging from what that man said in the dream of this person i mentioned above it would seem that it matters greatly what you do on earth and this actually makes sense in a way as to why we’re here, not the whole sense but a part of it, for some reason god has put us here to build things for eternity and why he put us here on earth first instead of just making us live in heaven in a perfect state and place with no sin and trouble and tell us what to do i dont know, but here we are in this earth, the way god originally planned it and im going on the sense now that its so important what we do on earth and im not just talking about what we do for work though that’s a part of it but im talking about how we love, how we honor, how we serve, our heart attitudes and more.
I am convinced that there is an eternity and i know i want to find out what my dream and destiny is here because it seems that not all get to live there dreams and destiny even though the world would have you believe “if its meant to happen it’ll happen” which is SO NOT TRUE, there are many people dieing and going to hell there are many people suffering and sinning doing evil and hurting others, and themselves, this is NOT meant to happen. LIfe is for good and not for evil its not to treat others unjustly, you can observe daily if you watch enough TV that peoples lives get cut off sooner than they should, did they get what was meant to happen? only god can say but it stands to reason that things that you are meant to have do NOT always just happen, you have to choose to do them sometimes or you have to do certain things to line up with someone who will give you what is meant to happen, and not all do this, because not all are on the path of life and not all follow the perfect will of god for there lives and some only follow the permissive will of god and there are some who are in rebellion and dont even know it, because the devil keeps giving them things that they want to make them feel pleased and happy with where they’re at not realising they are living against their god given design and are not living with the people they should be or doing the things they’re meant to, because they’ve become comfortable in what they’re doing, They play games like me and others who sit around waiting for life to happen to them in stead of making conscious choices to make life happen for them, its a choice life is, sometimes its given to us by others, but others cant get us up out of bed all the time and we cant be fed by others when we’re a grown adult, we cant expect others to look for work for us we cant expect others to make us write that business plan and give us the business idea, we cant settle down in mediocrity and think life will just come along and take us away to a far distant land where we can be who we are and live our dream out, but in god things like this can happen, sometimes we just have to wait for the moment god speaks to our hearts in our sleep and gives us the dream that will set us free or maybe he’ll do it another way, god can work in many ways to get us to do what we have to, sometimes it just looks like we’re doing nothing and going nowhere, but god is working in the background waiting for us to line up our will with his and he gives us opportunity to see him working in our lives and live in him.
We can change and sometimes like with me the problem with loving money it can change, it doesnt have to be constant, it doesnt even have to be at all, its a matter of perspective i think for me, its not that i love money its just that i dont see god correctly in the area that money is pervading in my life, and its not that i hate my job, its just i dont see it the way god sees it. And there are many other things like this, what matters to me is that i find the answer and i think im finding it in this, writing the idea of my perfect life online, in this i can change and see things from a different perpective, its not that im going to find my life in a word i give online but that im going to live it out and create the idea for my life in the process, it takes time to unravel a schizophrenic mind thats been beaten and bruised by rejection its whole life, the shame and ridicule thats kept me at bay all my life as a christian is coming off me, im finding my voice by writing these blogs and other things hopefully to online because in the end the enemy will want to silence you if he cant keep you silent he will try and pain you with misery or distract you with money or pride or selfishness or a whole lot of other list of sins and errors so as to keep you from finding your voice and speaking into existence the life of god on this earth and bring heaven to earth, silence can be a trap of the enemy people need to hear what you have to say, its your voice that can change the destiny of a soul from destruction to eternity in heaven with life on their side to change their circumstances from darkness to light.