What i thought i knew i realise i dont trust it as much, as much as life on earth is fun and enjoyable at times, there is things in this world that are terrible too see and know about, and when you’ve encountered things like that, theres nothing that can take you back to mediocrity, except if you have a mental illness and you have medication that alleviates your wayward mind, but the truth is, you cant go back, once you know how some of world is and how much its become a playground for evil and you just simply dont know how to trust people like you used to, it makes sense to just sit back and avoid all sorts of confrontation with reality.
But you cant, life just doesnt allow that to happen, you have to interact with people on some level unless you’re completely self sufficient and live out of the way of mainstream society, but even then you’ll crave human contact at some point unless you’re so dependable on your own self and abilities that you have no need or want of another person, but i dont know many if any people like that.
I avoid much confrontation with people, i could correct and point out many a faults i see in peoples logic and ideals and ideas but i dont, because i dont want to confront them and have an argument, i find peace much more enjoyable than having an argument, but then it gnaws a way at me that im not speaking when i want to or think i should, i keep quiet, i think its because im afraid, or atleast used to be afraid, im not sure, but i still dont argue as much as i could or bring up facts and truth in certain discussions, i know arguments dont really produce much if any good fruit, but the truth spoken in love can change just about any situation in someones life.
I dont see the point in sharing my opinion or even what i believe and know to be true, i dont understand why im like this but a long time ago someone pointed out that i argue, and it confronted me, i realised it was true, i had a problem so from then on i stopped being so confrontational as i was over a period of time and became more gentler in my approach with things, this is good, except somewhere a long the way i lost my uncanny ability to not care what people thought when i spoke the truth that i knew to be true, i think this has come about because a lot has changed, i have been in much pain emotionally and i dont see it as always necessary to point out a fault like i used to, which is very helpful i hate it when people want to find faults for the sake of finding faults, and here i am i find fault with me.
To be to the point i just struggle to love me and accept i have things i want to do, and so much of my life i have banded around with negative people including my family who dont know how to encourage most of the time and put things into perspective in a really down kinda way, they like to find the problems with things, whats wrong in the world and yours and theirs and others lives. Now not everyone i know is like this some are not like this they may do it on occasion but its not something that i have to be aware of with many people i know. The unfortunate thing is that many i do know dont speak to my to my spirit, and this is a failure of mine and the people who are around me, its when i start to stay away from people like i have in recent months and become more recluse that i dont care as much to spend time with others and i find im more in touch with my soul and who i am and not so afraid to be on my own, infact id rather be on my own so much more now and granted this can actually be apart of the mental illness at a certain stage which i am aware of, and its not something that has a perfect sense of love about it but it calms me down.
Do i need people to inspire my creativity?
In just a short time ive moved from the mindset of wanting to do stuff with people all the time, to not caring about hanging out with many people at all, it seems like to much hard work to be around others, i find it quite easy to just be on my own, i dont have to think about being there for others, essentially im avoiding people and i dont mind except for the times where i actually feel i want to be around someone but there is no one i feel or think im comfortable to be around right then, im stuck in a creative blockage at the moment, i regularly have desires to want to create something, sometimes i might have an idea of what others just a desire to create, and thats where the people issue comes in, i find people in general just dont inspire my creativity unless there a special person who has an amazing energy, and these people often are in my life for short amounts of time and this bothers me, but you know the truth is, i cant rely on these people to be in my life, somewhere i have to break past the barrier of relying on others to inspire me or help me be creative, i love the idea of working with someone who thinks like me and wants the same goal and is happy to put their effort and work in, but for me, i want to know i can do this without them, i dont want to rely on them always being there for me to be creative, and thats where i am at right now and have been for a long time, trying to find the me that runs away with creativity and inspiration and doesnt have to wait on some special person to be there with me to inspire me and elevate me to that creative expression in my heart.
Its important that i find my groove so to speak without the necessity of someone other than god and jesus and holy spirit in my life to be my support, i think its important to have a friend, but more importantly is for god to be your friend, you can always rely on god, but if you rely on a person to be your support to make you ‘tick’ then you can find that some where in life you may not be able to figure out what to do unless you have that relationship with god when your friend or that person who supports you is gone for whatever reason and there are many reasons a person can not always be there for you, but one thing they cant be is in you like god can, they cant reside in your heart and speak to you about the deep hidden things of the heart that make you have a hard time at times. A person can be a good counselor but they are no replacement for the holy spirit, and i think thats what im finding more of in my life, less reliance on man and more reliance on god, i cant always be all i am capable of with a person next to me, but i can be all i am with god in me, and i know i and many need and want a companion a wife (or if you’re female a husband) but the thing is, you will always fall short of who you’re meant to be if that person is your source of sustenance for life and spirituality, there is only so much a person on earth can put in to you, it comes a time when we need to grow up and find we are people of god, and as a son or daughter of the most high we are strong and capable and have no need of another to be the source of our life, now let me clarify, people can give you life but there is only one source or life and that is jesus christ.
Does someone you know have a bad aura?
It can be hard to let go of worldy and old mindsets of being in relationship with people for the sake of how we feel, i think something that has come upon my mind briefly recently is to be able to be me no matter who i am around, its nice that there are people who enable you to be yourself and you can be free to be real around them, but in saying that, its important for me to find who i am in the truth so i can be free to be myself all the time, not just around the people who have good energies and make me feel good, i think if i am avoiding being me around a person, i dont like something about them, there could be on my part a wound in my heart that obstructs my ability so see that person in the truth of who they are and the truth of who i am, and when i feel uncomfortable around someone its an indicator that something needs to be addressed, and it may not be me, it may very well be their energy is polluted with a bad feeling and i am picking up on that and i may need to address it in someway even simply asking them a question if they feel “whatever i am feeling”, its not always you that is the problem around people who you feel uncomfortable around, you may just be sensitive to someones aura and energy and once you address what that problem is by having a discussion with them about what you’re feeling, you can often find that clears up your lack of comfort being around them.
When i have addressed the issue of how i feel based on a person’s aura with that person, i have instantly felt better being around them, its like the wall that was blocking me being myself and listening to them and being present in the conversation is gone even if its only temporary it still goes away and makes it better and much clearer in my experience being with that person, recently i saw a friends aura and it was darkish in colour and i could tell it was effecting me, i discerned eventually it was anger i was feeling, and i was having much difficulty wanting to communicate with this person, like i just wasnt ‘there” when i asked “Are you angry about anything?’ instantly the aura got better and i felt better too, they mentioned something that may’ve been an issue but i could tell that wasn’t it, then the word “mum” came to me and i asked if they were angry at their mum, and then they retold a story of something that had recently happened with their mum that made them angry, it all made sense after that, this is only a new tool i have learnt to use and twice it has worked wonders on the relational experience with the people involved, i think the challenge for me is realising that not all i feel about a person is my own feelings but it could be coming from them, and a simple question, or being honest with how you feel can immediately make things feel better for you, there is still one person i havent done this with yet that im waiting to see them again to address what i felt with them last time i was with them, i have been avoiding them and not wanting to ring them to hang out because of how i felt last time i was with them, now i know what i can do about it, i feel more empowered to address the issue with confidence.