My encounter with a girl on a bus and when you think your heart is not being heard.

I’m finding an ever increasing out look on the world by me and many others to be quite confusing and bleak, we on one hand want everyone to love and be safe, but on the other some of us we do nothing and little about it knowing full well we have the answer in Jesus christ to do something about it, but are unaware of what we are to do.

And this is by no means answered in this piece of writing its simply a lead in to what im saying that we can do things that are significant and important without even knowing we are doing them.

Then there are those who do something, those people who go out of there way to love those around them, the people we call special, or gifted, people we look up to, people we see as better than us, we think they are better and are therefore more able to do what we want to do so we dont do it, and in saying that we also do things that we dont realise are what they do, just in our own way. Let me explain.

There are people out there who just need or want someone to listen to them for a while without rejecting them, someone to listen to them yabber on for a hour or two or maybe even 3 or 4, it depends on your threshold and how well you cope, but its possible, and then there are people who just want someone to notice their hair looks okay and then some just would like to be noticed and given a smile, a gentle look, a loving glance, a peaceful meeting of gazes as you walk down the street, now they, those people may never say to you you gave that to them, you may not even remember doing it, you may not even be aware you were giving someone attention in a way that made them feel loved and accepted, you just were being yourself and you let your guard down and let them into your life for a moment and shared what would be called life, you engaged them in a way that made them know someone notices me and in all that in their soul, there can be times when their heart will recognise even though it feels unloved and rejected, there are those times that make sense to it, the times that people looked at them and spoke kindly to them, the times someone gave them a hug and let them know they care about touching them,

it all seems trivial and useful only for socialising in the moment but it can carry a weight far more than what you imagine, for when someone is suffering in a bed of sickness not knowing what the world is doing and where they’re headed in this world or the next, they can remember someone loves me, they can recall those times someone did something to them that they remember made them feel oh so welcome and wanted that time and even when at the time it happened they didnt even notice they felt anything or remember it afterwards like it mattered, there soul knows, their heart heard it somewhere even in a eency weency bit of itself that refused to give up on life. Unfortunately people dont always know how they feel to recognise that these things had an impact on them the way they did.

You can tell when someone likes you, cant you? sometimes its easy, other times though, its not so easy, when you’re used to looking for ‘signs’ and signals from there heart to show you they are really in love with you, it can seem very oppressive to the heart you carry when you cant see or feel what you want to from the other person to tell you, they love you.

This is a real life example of encountering someone that made me feel good that they may not have known they did and im going to share my heart about it:

Today i met a girl on the bus, again, its the 2nd time ive spoken to her, and ill tell you she may not be anyone im going to hang out with anytime soon, but she makes me feel love for her, i really like her, i think she’s beautiful and attractive and she has a beautiful place in her heart that she shows me if she’s opening up to me the way she has, and i like it, i really enjoy her company even if it is for but a short moment in time, she as far as i can tell enjoys speaking to me, and that makes me happy, that someone enjoys me, but she shows it in a way that makes me feel madly in love with her presence, i could just sit and listen to her all day, i love what i encounter in her energy when i meet her and talk with her, she feels so peaceful, and when she’s gone i think about her for a bit being able to hang out with her more, but i know it’ll probably not happen, as she for one is in a relationship so it would be awkward as far as i see it for her to be one on one with me and be close to me outside of our random meetings on the street or public transport. As much as i care about her i know there is a limit to where we can be relationally and i dont want to be with her as a spouse, but i do enjoy her companionship.

As i talk about this i am seeing that i am feeling awkward talking about this like im putting up a defense to be real with how i really feel about her, i feel she is plain mad in love with me because of how she feels in her energy and it makes me feel so loved and accepted that i just want to be around her, yet the reality she is fine as she is and is not wanting to do more with me as far as i know, but i enjoy that feeling i get with her and i can tell even if we dont make it further than random meetings on the street, i know im at peace with being in her presence and i can be myself and speak with her openly and frankly without fear, and now i know how i feel its safe to say, i know there is no chance of us meeting up for more than just being friends, and im cool with that, whats the happiest part of this, is im opening up about how i feel, see i couldnt tell her this at the time not because i wasn’t wanting to but i didnt know how i was feeling, and i couldnt explain it right now at first because i was wanting to paint a picture of what i thought it was like to be her friend without pushing past any boundary, you see when you feel peoples presence (or if you prefer their aura) you are thinking a lot of the time, its how you feel about them, and it is in a way, but often, its how they feel about you or the people around you or something else in their life, you cant be certain that just because you feel amazing around someone that is how you actually feel about them, they are making you feel amazing being with them, but you may feel something completely different towards them when you sit down with a pen and paper and tell yourself what you feel about them, like im going to do now with this girl. Sharing this has made me feel like im listened to in my spirit which is interesting because i was going to write heart but spirit seemed more appropriate.

See the way i feel about her is she is lonely and lost and needs a friend, she seems distant from reality in some way and doesnt want to own up to whats really troubling her in her life, i like her presence and she is enjoyable to be around and chat with, but the reality is, we are worlds apart, i like her personality, but she seems to away from the true way of life to be able to really have any meaningful friendship with, its as though my heart knows what its like to be in her place in some respect and i yearn for her to know me in a deeper way so we can communicate more openly about her life and heart, i feel i see for her in her life that she is waiting for someone to come home, most likely her dad, its as though she never had a day with him that she can tell her self that its okay if he’s not here, i know he loves me, and i feel i know her heart is yearning for a companion to be like her dad with her. and i feel in my stomach a feeling that would make me think its like feeling sick even though im not consciously aware of it, that she is like this, because i want her to know god is love and there is no darkness in him honey, you can open up your heart to him and tell him your fear and worry in life and be on your way to being in love with the man of your dreams without feeling lonely or insecure about your relationship with him.

Now this girl wasn’t a christian and she didnt have to be for my example, it was showing that anyone can make someone feel better about themselves and even like they are loved, and you dont need to be someone high and mighty full of gifts and influential to millions of people to be able to give someone a clear message that they are loved and cared for in this world. It may not be that she even felt that way about me at all and thats fine, but the experience was that in the way she communicated she cared about me and was loving in her expression towards me.

That is a journey in to my heart there for you, thats the kind of stuff i experience on a heart level, that my conscious mind is not aware of at all or if it is in some sense its not aware of how to say it or if it needs to be spoken or released somehow. Its like this is going on in my subconscious mind all the time when im near those i love or feel good around or even if i feel bad around, i am sensitive to peoples energies and part of my gifting is i can read energies i can interpret what you feel for you, you may not even be aware of it right then maybe you are, but in my heart is a gift god has given me to know peoples hearts in their energy and thats why i feel so strongly and passionately about them and these things i share about them or other things.

And what am i getting at in all this is? Your heart picks up on things, and your subconscious mind, and there are things happening all over the place in your heart when you encounter someone you enjoy or dont enjoy, you can feel mixed feelings and not even know it at the time, you may actually be enjoying them when you are actually feeling down, low or in a funk to be around them, because you are sensing them and experiencing it as though it was you and how you felt about them or you may be blocked in your emotional expression and when you just share how you feel you may infact lighten up. Its not to say you have to analyse all your feelings all the time you’re around someone you enjoy, its good to enjoy the conversation and time you are with them in, but to have an understanding that people affect you all the time even if its a little way or a big way it doesnt matter which, you can know you are heard and accepted by many people even when your heart has given you an impression at the time because you felt you weren’t heard or accepted that you didnt enjoy being with them, it may just be you are feeling them and also even when you go away overjoyed about meeting them, you may find you are feeling what they feel about you and thats why you enjoy them, i think im coming to know i need to understand, WHAT I FEEL AND THINK about someone, not what they feel about me or how i feel they feel to me, i need to know that my true feelings towards that girl was, i love her and i really want her to be in my life but i cant get past the fact she is not aware that she is not going down the same path as me and for us to be anywhere near good friends she or i would have to change a lot in our lives to accommodate the other, and that wouldnt be acceptable for her and for me it wouldnt even be a desire, i care to much about my life with god to be able to change for someone who doesnt even know god or want him in their life and it would turn me into someone im not and dont want to be.

Often when you think you are not being heard, its because you are not communicating your heart and how you feel.

Some people may find it hard from their experience to accept that people hear you when your heart has experienced the emotion so many times that people dont notice you or listen to you,  but you can know the truth is its not always the other people, sometimes its a matter of you releasing a feeling in your heart and just saying what you feel, because quite often your heart notices things that you are not consciously aware of and your sub conscious mind stores it too, it may come in a flash or whisper of a word or emotive thought and then you forget until such a time as when you journal or talk to a trusted friend about it, often when you think you are not being heard, its because you are not communicating your heart and how you feel, and you’re talking through your mind and speaking about ‘facts and figures’ or something like them.

If you open up to someone and it may be that its better to open up to someone you struggle to open up with to get the desired experience of being heard, you may and can find if you spend time talking about whats truly in your heart you will experience the quality of being listened to and accepted, but this can happen in any of your relationships not just the ones you struggle with.

Identity in christ, some of who you are in your faith in jesus.

You are noticed, you are heard, you are wanted, god put you here for a reason and when you find him you will begin to find and bring that reason to life, you are not unloved you are not rejected, god accepts you and forgives you, you are a new creation of a person in Jesus christ and the old things that kept you held down in fear and doubt and regret have passed away, when you accept or accepted christ jesus as your saviour you became a new person, and that old you that felt all unloved and rejected or things like it is no longer who you are, the finished work that jesus did on the cross when he was crucified is enough to redeem every quality about you and turn you into your true self, you are new in god by faith in jesus christ not because god doesnt love who you were, its because you never knew who you truly were before hand, and god came in christ to set you free from this world and bring you back to being one with him so your true identity could be found in him.

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