The blessing, the battle, and the redemption. How I’ve gone through mental illness and what kept me going and how you can get the same hope i have.

another word of encouragment for you

things in the world seem dim and grim with all we see on the news and in the media, but there are things outside of those realms that we are not always privy too or made aware of unless we have access to the things of this earth that are impacted by heaven.

Heaven manifest in many different ways on earth, one of them is through the word of those who speak for god, another way is for people to show love to those who are in need of compassion and hope, and still another way is for someone to be supernaturally healed by the power of jesus working through one of his followers, this is the answer, we need heaven.

Heaven can come to you at anytime, in a moment in a breath in a blink of any eye, but either way or which ever way it comes, it can come at you in a way that will impact you for life or even if but for a shy wisp of a moment of breath and wind that catapults you further into your destined future as a son or daughter of god the most high.

You can encounter heaven in your room even though there is demonic presences there, you can encounter heaven in your lunch break at work when someone wins you over with there love and lets you know they care about you, you can encounter heaven in the bathroom when you’re having a shower and that hot water caresses and touches your soul in a way to say you are loved and cared for, and the water washes away that days pain and sorrow that you felt and gives you rest to goto bed in a calm manner, you can encounter heaven while watching tv dare i say, in that it is safe to say that most encounters of heaven will not happen while watching tv or video’s but more likely than not, when your watching someone who loves you do what they do best, be themselves and carry you to a place in the spirit with there words where YOU can feel love for a moment in your day, where you can encounter the grace of our father in heaven by being in peaceful surrounds with someone or some people who want to breathe life in to your wounded heart and soul and give you a break from your melody of doldrums and life, you are a passionate person in your spirit and heart and soul, all are born to be a passionate person in some means or another and heaven can bring that passion to the surface in the midst of all types and kinds of crazy trials and sufferings.

If you encounter a trial you know that there is hope, for trials are not meant to end in disaster but in fruit, and should your trial end in disaster then you’re not lost, or abandoned or without hope, for while on this earth as long as you’re alive there is hope, but in that there is a consequence that must endure in your life if you are to have hope,  you must begin to love, for love can conquer death, but hope without love can bring can bring some form of life and it can change a lot, love on the other hand, that can change things greater and carry you through with your hope to a better place, love never fails, when i was going through my trial in the past several years i had a failing heart and failing hope to live, for i felt in my life that i had failed and that i was going to goto hell, i literally felt like i had the mark of the beast on my hand and saw that the number 666 was on my forehead on my minds eye, but that changed me, it made me realise i had to change what i was doing, it scared me to death, and i felt like i had lost all hope, and in a way i had, but i knew a bible verse that said in ecclesiaste 9:4 But for him who is joined to all the living there is hope, and that gave me some manner of hope and desire to live, but the verse that changed me was or should i say the truth that changed me was found in 1 corinthians 13:8 Love never fails.

My logic was essentially this if love never fails then if i love i cant fail and this problem with the mark of the beast and the 666 on my forhead will get healed or better and i wont have the problem anymore.

Now fast track 2+ years later and i still struggle with seeing this crap on my mind and in my body, but i know they do not define me, they may be spiritual and effect me subconsciously in a great manner, for they are evil beyond expression, if i was to cry out my pain for having this affliction i would die of heartache and possibly have a heart attack or my heart would fail, i literally felt like my heart was going to fail on me while going through this evil trial that afflicted me years ago, and it did in some way, the only way im standing and right now sitting here to tell you this is by the grace and love of god, i was dead in my mind i had no way to escape the problems i was facing in the spirit realm, besides the affliction of the mark of the beast i felt and exprienced there was complexity and perplexity outside in the spirit with people and places that burdened my heart and soul and mind and body beyond anything i had previously endured.

I was tormented beyond belief, i had no way to express to anyone i mean anyone what i was going through, my logic was so set that no one could help me and even if i told them what was going on, they wouldnt understand or know what to do anyhow, because no one i knew had exprienced what i was experiencing that i knew of and its nothing like what is ever talked about in church or any sermon or podcast or video or book i have ever read, NO ONE COULD HELP, i felt helpless and hopeless and my illness of schizophrenia had defeated me in the weakest part of my life, my faith in god, i had had a strong faith once, but it was weakest at this point in my life, i had no faith at all to get me through or out of this problem, i couldnt pray, i couldnt effectively understand the mystery of what was going on in the word and i couldnt ask anyone for help in ministry, i was dumbfounded at what to do, it was the most frustrating, boring annoying, hatefilled time of my life, i had nowhere to go, no one to talk to about it and most of all, i lost faith in god to get me through it, i felt like i was dieing and going to go to hell and it seemed that way for a while for nothing made sense.

There was so much crazyness going on in the spiritual realm i was feeling mostly if not only the bad things and almost if not none of the good things, and rest was far from pleasurable or even attainable in the most part, i had failed and i couldnt get up and move to a better place in the spirit or in the natural, i was lost for no reason so i thought in not so many words, i felt like i had lost everything i had ever wanted before i even got it and all that i had was gone, its like i experienced the most utter deplorable rejection by my only father i had ever known which is god and had no way to tell him im sorry, and it was like he wanted me out of his kingdom and i had nowhere to go on this earth or anywhere in the universe that could protect me from the onslaught of the spirit realm that the enemy and his evil spirits were doing towards me, it was useless to try even read the word of god, it literally was working in reverse on me, i would try and speak it and the opposite would happen in the spirit in my mind and outside of me, not every time but it happened enough to burden me and make me feel like i couldnt even rely on the one thing i know can save me in this time, i felt like the bible was the safest thing i could rely on and yet even that was not safe for me to read with what i was experiencing, i would read ‘god’ or ‘lord’ and various other words in the bible and they would regularly get twisted to make it seem like i was focusing on the enemy the devil and then coupled with that was a whole bunch of dark spiritual feelings in my body that ‘proved’ to me that i had unwittingly and unconsciously done that when i knew it was not what i wanted nor had i done, but the experience was like i had.

This is where im going to change gears now, as that stuff is really heavy and its weighed on me for some time now, but now i want to move on to this, the love never fails part, you see when that scripture came to me i eventually had this thought in my mind going something like this, i should just believe im loved when people say the love me and even if i dont feel it or experience the love the way i want it to be given or done to me, i will just believe that people love me, for i had believed the lie which was tormenting my soul even more that i wasnt loved, and because i believed i wasnt loved by church people, other christians that is, it was like i was experiencing that god didnt love me, for his people were a reflection of him to me whether i liked it or not, so in a very short space of time, when i started to just believe without evidence other than peoples word to me and my own belief that they did that they loved me and i was loved i started to experience something amazing and greatly life changing, there was one encounter with a person where i felt their energy was love and i had only felt something like it twice before and much differently, this time was like normal real love coming off them and i thought i couldnt be feeling this unless they loved and since i was feeling it i knew they loved me, now i didnt experience any big overwhelming or even much of a sense inside me that i was loved then, i just accepted they loved and i felt there energy was love, my experience of being loved didnt seem to be much different then, i still felt as i did before.

But this believing i was loved without any evidence that i thought i wanted like feelings and love on my terms, was the changer the big changer, for i started then to experience a whole lot of good feelings in the spiritual realm, i still felt bad ones at times, but i started much more to experience good, and positive spiritual experiences and mostly i experience a better experience than i had before, and it all started from believing i was loved just for the sake of believing it, now it was always true i was loved but i wanted to experience it in a certain way to prove to me that i was and i never got that because i was looking for something to happen that just couldnt happen with what i was believing and expecting to happen from my relationships with god and people.

Now im all for the possibility of having a wonderful warm loving experience of having an emotional flood of love come in my soul through a spiritual experience with god, but that just hasnt happened yet, in the mean time, i have a knowing im loved that has saved me from torment and many sorts of bad experiences that without love i wouldnt be able to get through, now granted it took many weeks and months to experience the knowing that im loved, but it started with just believing it and everytime a thought came into my mind to tell me, im not loved or that im hated i just said something like, i am loved and just believed it, and very fast those attacks stopped and it came about by belief.

Sometimes in the mental illness area of healing we need a power encounter where the broken heart and the shackles just get taken off us in power and we never have to look at them again, and that can happen but i have also encountred that believing i am loved changed my life and got me through and out of the darkest times i had ever experienced, and enabled me to have other power encounters that i was struggling to get did i stop experiencing bad things all together? no, i still had various bouts of torment, but knowing that god loved me and that i wasnt forsaken like the enemy would’ve had me believe has enabled me to traverse these dark areas of life with a courage and strength that endures some difficult times, without the love of god on my side i would have very little hope, and in that im thankful, see when we are on the edge of the cliff proverbially speaking or spiritually speaking, it seems all to good and probably normal to jump off and just hit the bottom and die like you feel you deserve, but the truth of the matter is, god is going to do something through the other side of your pain whether in this life or eternity, but i tell you he wants you to be healed and at peace now that is his will.

But in the truth of the matter is your salvation and peace, as you may know by now i believe in jesus christ as saviour of my soul and life but the salvation i speak of in this example is the salvation from your situation, the truth that you are loved is one of many truths that can save a person from dark hellish torment and them believing it is imperative to gain redemption from their problem, but there are many other truths out there that can turn your soul around and encourage you to believe that you’ll be okay and as many truths as you can find, you wont find any better truth than what the bible has to say, its the source of the truth thats going to set you free, and when it comes down to it, you need good truth thats full of life and able to give you sight to see and peace to breathe, you are here and this is where you’re meant to be, you may not be able to change your physical situation to much degree, but you can change your response to it, you may not feel love, but you are loved and you can believe it regardless of what your feelings and experience tell you, you may not feel happy, but you dont have to stay sad, you are capable of being different in the way you think and the way you percieve reality, in my mind in my experiences everything looked dark and hellish, but in gods perspective it was a path full of light with angels all a long it now your experience may be very dark in your perception, and im not saying you’re not having bad things happen, sometimes you need help and the help you think you need is not always the help you actually need or will it do like you expect.

There are things in the world that have the apperance of good but are evil and there are things in this world that are made to have the appearance of evil but are good, you need to know the difference like i need to, one of the things the enemy will try and do is tell you that the truth is a lie and the lie is the truth and twist your percption to make you think in this way, the way you counter act that is with the bible, its the source of truth for every situation, and the enemy will want you to think the bible is full of lies and contradictions. The bible is the truth, there are things in it that are hard to understand and some words may seem out of place and some translational problems might surface in your reading, but in its essence its the truth, it is a firm foundation and can be trusted for your life, i encountered much darkness and didnt know at first how to change much of what was going on and to some degree i still dont know, but there are things that i have learnt and done to get better in the way i feel and experience my daily life that i wouldnt have known without the bible, or god in my life teaching me things to do, i am still on the journey to healing and freedom in every area of my life and right now i want to ask you, Do you know jesus christ as your lord and saviour? have you turned from your sins and believed in god through jesus christ and received his forgiveness? There is many things you can do to get well from a disease and torments and other struggles, but somethings just wont be done in your life unless you have jesus christ living in your heart and you have a relationship with him and god, even if you find success in what you do sometimes that success only happens because you are doing things the way god has designed it, because you are doing something in line with the truth, god has natural spiritual laws and his ways work even if you dont believe in him and look to him for life.

I dont presume to have all the answers about god but in my life i wouldnt have answers to certain things i do without god, jesus has been a source of wisdom and truth for me for around 13 years and i know i wouldnt have gotten as far as i have feeling better and thinking better while having a mental illness if it wasnt for him and his friendship.
I still struggle with answering certain things like why is it taking time to get completely well, but i get various breakthroughs at different times over the years, but still struggle with certain mental difficulties. Its like a puzzle that is being put together and a ball of string that is unravelling and at the end it will all or most of it will make sense.

I encourage you now, if you have never turned to god or maybe you have and you’ve fallen away for a time and gone into old habits that bring you down, you can turn to god now and be forgiven and receive eternal life, and begin to have a relationship with him and learn about life from heavens perspective instead of the worlds and the enemy, you dont have to stay in your shame and fear and sin, you can be forgiven right now, you may not feel forgiven, but god doesnt ask you or tell you, you have to feel forgiven to be forgiven, you are forgiven by the work of what jesus christ did for you when he died on the cross almost 2000 years ago and rose again from the dead, when he rose again from the dead he took the power of death away from the devil, and he, jesus, gives life and eternal life to all who believe on his name and turn from their sins, you are forgiven, you are free from the power of sin when you are in jesus christ, sin no longer has rulership over you, your new normal is to walk in love and be a light to the world, your new normal is to be a saint, you become love when you have jesus christ as lord of your life your new normal is to be love and give love and live in it, you can pray and talk to jesus now from your heart and let him into your life, let your heart speak to him freely and be in tune with who he is, he is life he is peace, jesus loves you and so does god.

Life being a christian is one of belief in and encountering god and jesus christ and the holy spirit and walking in love towards them and your fellow man, you dont need to make up rules to try and make yourself better, you just do what god says and believe. If you have found god and have faith in jesus christ today, praise god, you are now a son or daughter of god and heaven is rejoicing over you turning to god, there is more to experience of god and he is real and wants you to experience him, he’s alive and not just some figment of your mind and imagination, he is relatable like a father and friend, and jesus is like a brother and a friend.

If you have any further questions about jesus and salvation and god and eternal life, dont hesitate to send me a message, im more than happy to share with you about faith in god. I have had many failures, but knowing jesus has given me answers that i never would’ve had unless he was alive and in my life, i cant answer all your questions but i can tell you about jesus and what i know to be true about him and hopefully help you experience him for yourself and know without a doubt that he is alive and that god has forgiven you and you can know him now and in eternity.


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