“For love is as strong as death. Jealousy as cruel as the grave…..”
Song of Solomon 6:1-2
There is a love that is stronger than death, it can overpower it and when you’re in the storm of life where your end seems in sight or more to the point no end seems in sight, there is a darkness that can overtake you that the only thing that will change it will be your sense of being loved.
If you can take yourself on a journey somewhere you know in yourself you are loved to a point a big point, but when you are struggling with the concept of love and feeling it and being loved and being it, you can find that times can get pretty tough, and you can take a turn for the worst mentally and physically and find that even though you have a desire to move and do something like move house or city or go on a trip or just to get away from the torment and trial you are experiencing you may find that moving or doing something important with your life can be near impossible or highly unjustifiable or improbable, you may find that you are in a tormenting time right now, maybe you are schizophrenic, maybe you are depressed, maybe you’re lonely, maybe you feel neglected or angry with your life, or you might be finding it hard to understand why nothing seems to work for you and all these people and circumstances are against you and you cant make sense of what to do or where to go to get it fixed or make it feel better for you, there is hope and there is solution after solution for many problems, but the first solution is love, you must know right now, you are loved, god loves you and people love you. No matter how hard it seems to be able to comprehend gods love and peoples love when there actions dont line up with what you think is love and there is not much noticeable thing happening that you recognise as god you can trust and believe you are loved, because you see love is more than a feeling, YES it is a feeling and a wonderful emotion and feeling it can be, but its not always that experience for you or other people to feel that feeling of love, love is also an action, love is something you do and love is something you believe, love is something you think and act on, love is something that matters and has value, love admonish’s people and love honors people, love cares about what people say and what they do, love cares about how you feel and how you dont feel, love cares, love obeys, love honors, love respects, love never fails.
Thats right that last one is love never fails, the one that will save you out of a whole lot of trouble and problems that you may not even know will come your way, but if you love you will avoid them, the thing is that scripture in the bible in 1 corinthians 13:8 where it says “love never fails…” was apart of the beginning to me having hope on my journey when all this crazy schizophrenic stuff started happening to me in extreme measures on an external an internal way, when people were changing personalities on me and so was i, manifesting DID (dissociative identity disorder) a long with seeing things in the spirit that i had never seen before and being in a constant state of trial where nothing seemed to come to a end, the day i started to believe love never fails and if i love i’ll be okay and everything that seemed like it wouldnt be okay would be if i just loved was apart of the beginning of changing things for me, but the day i started to believe i am loved regardless of what people do or say, or how i feel when they do things to me, and even if i dont see love given to me the way i want it to be if i just believe im loved regardless of what i feel and just believe they love me when they say they do, is the beginning to the major change in my life where i started to see change in what i was experiencing in the spiritual realm externally and also internally, and whenever i started to have thoughts that i wasn’t loved and no one loved me i would just respond with something like “no, i am loved” in my mind, i just believed it i accepted that people were telling the truth when they said they loved me and no one was telling me at the time it was of past times people had said it to me and i just believed that i was loved.
Now you must understand that when you start telling yourself you are not loved and no one loves you or likes you and you’re hated you are lieing to yourself and not only that you are hurting your soul, your precious soul and heart and mind, its the reason you can feel suicidal or like you want to die and give up and do nothing with your life, when you tell yourself you are not loved its like a gaping wound in your heart telling you you are not worthy to have a friend and to be told you as a human being are not worthy to have a friend or you believe you are not worthy to have one, you are bringing great harm to your soul and your self in the spirit and in your mind, you will attract demonic spirits to you who will bombard you with more of these types of thoughts until you oppose them with the truth and tell them the thoughts that is, what the truth is.
Truth changes things, it can eradicate darkness in a second and expel fear in an instant, you need to know the truth you are loved, no one can change that or tell you you aren’t because there are people on this earth who do love you and even if you cant notice them, there are people who will love you when they know you, you may not feel worthy of love and you may feel unlovable, you may even be unlovable to a lot of people because of certain things in your life, but that doesnt make you unlovable, its just people dont know how to love you in the way you need or the way they should, you are always loveable and there is someone out there who will love you in the flesh in some way, when someone greets you and gives you a hug that is love, if someone talks to you and gives you a friendly smile and tells you about their day, and ask if you want prayer or a drink of coffee and they’ll buy it for you, that is love, it can be love and it may not feel it or look like it to you, but love is done in action, you may never experience the feeling of someone elses love for you as they give you love, but that is not true that you are not being loved because you dont feel it or see it the way you want, you can be loved in so many ways, someone listening to you give your heart to them as you spew verbal diarrhea at them about your problem and they dont judge you or critiscise you, but listen intently and do what they can to advise you in the knowledge they have but they cant help you that is love, its a form of love that may not make sense to you because you want an answer and you want to be heard but you dont feel heard or understood and no one makes sense of what you’re saying or thinking, but you must know, another persons lack of understanding and inability to communicate what you need to know is not a lack of love, they can still love you in that moment and you may even feel like they are judging you or critiscising you, but thats not even the case at times, its when you dont percieve you are loved and you are love, that your view and perception of what other people say to you is skewed and you cant accurately interpret what they are saying emotionally to you and you can easily respond in pain and anger and negativity because you are looking for acceptance to come in a way that doesnt look like what you’re seeing.
You see when you are in pain and or have experienced a lot of pain either emotionally or spiritually, your soul is very sensitive to the words people say, and whats worst is if the enemy the devil is attacking you through these people, their words can seem very mean and evil and you can feel an instant response to respond in anger or hatred come up in you, but the way you can overcome this in your soul is to walk in love and there other things too but the way you carry yourself towards another person is important, to choose love is of utmost importance in critical times when you are experiencing upheaval in your life and demonic torment in the spiritual realm when you have a mental illness or are just experiencing high levels of anxiety and fear.
The spiritual realm is a dark place at times, but what you can experience when you come in to choosing love and believing you are loved is that you can experience many good beautiful amazing encouraging things, you can start to feel love from peoples energies when before you felt very little or nothing, you can encounter good atmospheres. See the problem with being in a state of fear and panic, is you are not always aware of the good things that are happening, so you may not notice love when its given to you and you may feel more afraid because you are not experiencing that which you need to calm down, the way to start to conquer fear is to trust, and that trust will open up to being able to receive love and other good things in the spirit.
You cant conquer fear without love, so if you are in a state of panic right now or somewhere in your life outside of reading this, then you need to do this, start by saying to yourself, “I am okay, I am not afraid, on the other hand if you are feeling fear but you’re not being real with yourself in general about it, it can be quite relieving to own up to that fear and say to god in prayer I am afraid, i did that once when i was experiencing some form of anxiousness and instantly the anxiousness left, i had an emotion that wasn’t being given a way to express itself and it was locked up causing anxiousness in me and when i owned up to the fact i felt afraid instead of unconsciously avoiding it i felt better. So back to the being okay part above, you must know that YOU are okay, when you start telling yourself you’re not okay and you keep thinking it and accepting it as truth, then you cant get out of the state of problems you’re in, it sounds good to admit to people that you are not doing okay and it is when you are actually not doing well, and you need to talk to someone, but to own it like you are now not okay or even to keep thinking you are not okay, its VERY much a cause of anxiety and panic in ones life, because what you are saying is ‘you as a person are not good enough the way you are, you’re not okay’, see when saying you’re not okay becomes an identity thing, its what causes so much unrest in ones life and thats when you can start to have eratic thoughts and panic attacks and feel like you have to fix things in your life, when really there is nothing you can fix or need to fix at times, but you sense you are not okay in how you feel, so you take it on as though you are not okay. The thing is being okay isnt about getting all your feelings in order its just about admitting that you as a person are okay, you’re fine, you’re not afraid and you dont have to be, and when you find you know you’re okay, by telling yourself you are, your emotions and feelings will often follow you in to being in order.
Your soul takes words very seriously and it hears what you say, and when you start being fearful and panicking about what you’re seeing or experiencing, you often start telling yourself things in your head about what you are experiencing and then you can often verbalise it as well, this is something that needs to be taken care of to be careful how you feel about who you are and what you think of yourself, because when you start thinking in line with the fears and panicking about yourself like you may do, the lies these feelings tell you about yourself are causing more angst to your soul which is where most of the trouble is residing.
Love can take you out of a depressive state as well as a fearful state, i was afraid i was going to die a lonely death with no one to hear my cries for help i literally thought i was going to die in some point when i was experiencing the extreme manifestations of the spiritual realm i was experiencing, i felt like the mark of the beast was on my hand and could see it in the spirit inside my arm and hand and when i went to buy stuff it would touch my hand in a deeper way and it was like it was killing parts of me, it was INSANE and scary i felt the most terrible fear and torment and thought i had lost my salvation, i didnt know how it got there or why i was experiencing it, i never thought that i wanted it, i was always against it i hated it, and i didnt know what to do about getting rid of it, i knew in my mind it was spiritual and therefore it can disappear and be healed, and when i found myself thinking about the 1 Corinthians 13:8 scripture about ‘love never fails..’ i knew that love would be the only thing that would get rid of me experiencing it, if love never fails then alls i have to do is love and that will make it go away, i knew that it wasn’t who i am, and i told myself that, that its not who i am, i believe now an angel was telling me that but at the time i didnt think that that there was an angel telling me that, even now writing this i still experience feeling its there and im led to believe its some sort of intercession thing or some fear in my life that i havent addressed and its manifesting as this evil rotten thing, i know its not the truth of who i am and i write this in the hope to tell you, the main thing that kept me going is love, because if i listened to the voices that told me i wasnt loved and that god didnt want me anymore i would be a nervous wreck or worst, i dont really know exactly where i would be in a mental type of state, but i had to believe love was true for me and that i was loved for the sake of saving my life, if i died with this thing on my hand i thought i was surely not guaranteed eternal life, i was majorly decieved, because i know that god loves me and the enemy was trying to get me to doubt my salvation which tormented me even more thinking i had lost my salvation and thinking i had lost my salvation and doubting it also opened up a demonic portal in my room and demons would come through it and attack me at night until i repented of that belief, i didnt know for a time why it was there until i discerned in the spirit one day what it was there for and when i repented it went away in that moment, i had believed the lie that god would allow me to experience this stuff and see these things and let me just die and goto hell without even telling me what i had done wrong or warning me that i was doing wrong, i thought i had done things that god wouldnt even tell me about so i could repent and ask for forgiveness it made me so afraid and doubtful of god, i thought he was judging me for all these things in my life whatever they were and i thought i was being judged for what i saw and felt and experienced and it was tormenting and fearful to such an extent i had lost most of if not all my hope and didnt know what i could trust and only had the knowledge to hold on to that i knew jesus was real, at the time i thought everything else was up for question.
The next thing im going to go into is gods judgement and how i knew i was saved after knowing god wasnt judging me, the path to receiving the gospel is difficult for some people and has been for me, because i was fed a whole bunch of other stuff that didnt reiterate to me what i had to do to allow the gospel to work for me and accept it as it is, you can get a whole lot of stuff out of many sermons and you listen to many as a christian, but the integral thing you need to know about this gospel (good news) is you are loved and god has good intentions towards you, his idea about what is right and wrong is there for a reason, you must know gods idea of sin being sin is the way things are because there is no light in those things, there is a reason the gospel came to earth the way it did and when it did its the answer we’ve all been looking for but not known why it is, its simple really and profound, but for a long time church and preachers who are trying their hardest to bring you the true version of the gospel havent been able to communicate it to the masses in a way where we all get it and make sense of what we have become, because there has been a confusion as to what is happening when you become a christian, do you start becoming a doer or a be’er and in that is where i’ll end.
Join me in part 2 of the ark series as we explore how i knew i was saved and found out whether i was being judged or not.