The word of good is a tool for many uses sometimes you get revelations sometimes you get power sometimes you get love, other times you get peace, and there are more things, even encouragement.
What do you get out of the word of God?
For me its a book of life, it changes perspective in me, when I’m off in the realm of delusion it brings me to the ground and heals my soul from lies and deceit, it heals me from broken thinking and feeling ill in my heart, it comforts my brokenness when its exhibited itself.
When you feel unloved its comforting to know there is hope for you even in your darkest hour with the Word of God but what do you do when even this isn’t working for you and you don’t have any sense as to what to do or where to go to get help? You know its true, but you don’t know how to make that truth work for you the way you know you should be able to. I know for me in my dark times I wasn’t even able to read the word of god because it was seemingly backfiring on me, I would feel evil or bad energies coming from it when I spoke it or read it, it was like the word was condemning me in any way I was not in line with truth or seemingly not in line with truth, the enemy was having a field day with me, with all the confusion and negativity, I had no faith to put it into action I couldn’t even resolve the problem of why I felt this energy being so bad coming from reading or speaking the Word of God over myself.
I even had times when it seemed to reverse itself against me, I would speak one thing good, and this energy and thought would come from outside and go into me and it was an experience like the word was being turned against me and I would feel the opposite happen in the spirit, I couldn’t even trust the Word of God in my darkest time not that it wasn’t true, I just couldn’t trust I could use it the way I wanted to, to make me feel better.
That’s when love came in, it took a while of controlling my mind and trying to believe the right way by force, but I think in the end persistence paid off, I couldn’t make the negative thinking go away straight away, for a long time I would read the bible and when I read about Jesus as Lord, or God when I read “Lord” or “God” I would have this thought in my heart and mind that it was talking about Satan and no matter how much I wanted to read it like normal, it kept happening, I would have such a hard time trying to get through certain passages especially the Psalms because of how much they mention God and Lord, I gave up a lot of the time and didn’t continue reading certain scriptures or the bible at all for that moment and for even lengths of time, it was too much work to try keep a sane mind while reading it.
So even now after the tormenting trial I had between 2011 and 2015 when things exploded in my soul I still have battles but so much lighter when reading, I’m able to have more control over reading the bible in my mind and it works so powerfully for me, I read it out loud more now and that works wonders in calming things down in my life outside of me spiritually with all the demonic stuff that happens around me, or I feel in the spirit. It also brings spiritual water on my head and helps heals my soul I have felt and seen that spiritual water a number of times now.
So what happened to make it better again to the point of the word not tormenting me when I read it, was a long journey I essentially forced myself to think the truth when the satanic assault on my mind would happen and words would get twisted while reading and I had the impressions that scriptures were talking about the devil when they were not at all, I kept reading and persisting and believing, but the things that seemed to make it easier was one like I’ve mentioned in other posts, is believing I was loved and choosing more to love, and also sharing how I felt a lot more to God and others. Once the intrusive thoughts quietened down a lot in my mind I didn’t seem to have so much confusion in my head from when I shared more about how I feel more in prayer and to others.
I think a lot of my hard work didn’t have to be so hard if I just knew tools and understood what I had to do in practical terms to heal my thoughts from being convoluted like they were.
One of the things that helped is when I read certain things that triggered emotion that was dark and twisted, I would consciously choose to believe I was reading about what I knew to be true about what I was reading, if it was talking about God or Abraham, or Moses or others and using words like “he” or “they” and I had twisting happening in my head making it seem like “he” or “they” etc was about the devil or demons,
I would slow my reading and just choose to believe I was reading it precisely how it was being spoken, so I would have to remember to choose to focus on the person literally in reference in the text, if “he” was Moses, I would think on Moses when I read “he”.
See what had happened to me in some sense in my thinking I got myself allowing to take on certain text as though they were talking about me which is true for some text, you can personalise a lot of the text in the bible and it still be true, but what this did, it made me have a spiritual lazy mind and I accepted things in a weird way in my mind, and I had to train myself how to read again in a more normal way and not personalise things or spiritualise certain scriptures, I had become so focused on being spiritual and making the bible about how it spoke to me, instead of reading it in the context it was talking about.
Though I knew certain things weren’t talking about me, its like my mind became so used to lazy thinking that I lost focus sub-consciously of simple reading skills of how to be a normal reader. It became a nightmare to read in the past because of this laziness, my mind or heart just went off on and things that was simply not in the writing, would come in my head. it was tormenting and scary and I didn’t like it or want it happening, but I couldn’t make it stop on my own, it kept going on for months, I felt abandoned by God and powerless I wanted to quit so many times not just from that but all the other things that were going on to, and the hopelessness I had of not even the word of God being able to be used by me to get myself feeling better just made matters worst.
I didn’t know where to turn to or who to turn to, I didn’t realise in my blind drunken spiritual state that I was so a lone and broken in my heart that I not even realised what a real relationship with God is like.
I had to wait on God constantly to try and figure out what to do, over time, months at a time I had varying degrees of revelation about certain topics and issues, it wasn’t all straight forward what I had to do to get better (with the schizophrenia and the spiritual problems I was having more than I’ve mentioned in this post), it was like I knew inside myself or so I had it impressed on me, that I knew the answers as to what to do, but I couldn’t accept that was true because I couldn’t figure out at all on my own what the Word of God would give me to do that I haven’t already done or was doing, I believed it was a “part of me” an alter identity that gave me the impression I knew what to do, because really I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know what I could do better than I was.
It was frustrating and angering, I felt lost alone and rejected, I didn’t know where my life would be in the future, I felt literally that my eternal life was in doubt and I didn’t know what I could trust to get me better, except knowing Jesus was real and the book of Ecclesiastes said that “there is hope in the land of the living”, there seemed no end to the insanity.
I was wrong, there was light always giving me guidance even when I doubted I knew I could trust that the doubt was not true, I knew deep down I was okay, but I wasn’t aware of the reality of what I knew anymore to be the only reality.
I had been shown the Matrix computer system in the spiritual realm in some aspect I believe, my opinion on this could be transformed in time to come but that’s what I accept it as now, its not so much a question of did I see and experience things that were not of the normal sense of what people seem to experience and talk about, but just what did I see, as far as I know now it was an alter dimension or reality in the spirit realm that seers can see, and most schizophrenics, have or do encounter, the thing is for some schizophrenics, they don’t see the spiritual side like I did, it may be spiritual to them, but there encounter can be similar but I’d imagine from what one of my friends who has schizophrenia talked about to me in his experience of the illness he didn’t see things the exact same way, but the way I described things to him he knew I understood what he had experienced, so to elaborate my mind was capable of seeing things in the spiritual dimension in its real state because of my seer gifting, where as my friend he doesn’t see things in the spirit like I do but he does feel energies, so I imagine there would be some schizophrenics out there that would relate to both our experiences but like both me and my friend we have different view points as to what we were literally seeing. But some of the same things have happened.
See the thing is we both experienced the same schizophrenic illness, but what we literally observed with our eyes wasn’t the same, I essentially saw the reality of what was happening in such a way it was like reality I knew all my life was no longer available, it was as though an overlay of spiritual energy had come upon everything and every person although it wasn’t always showing colour on things there was a colour streaming down on people and in there eyes, they looked like weird people not just one or two but lots of people all at at once, almost if not everyone I encountered in these experiences when they happened had eye changes or eye colour changes, there iris was different a colour, sometimes it was black like evil, other times different colours but essentially not their normal eye colour. Virtually every energy and atmosphere was evil or felt bad and I had little to no rest at all for long periods of time.
The funny thing was when I saw these colour energies streaming down on people and felt them, they felt cool, I tried to reject this notion, but I couldn’t shake that that’s how they felt to me, I was fearful and at the same time fascinated and intrigued, the fearful part was especially bad when I was in front of various people talking to me and their eyes changed colour and weird energies would come off there voice to me and it seemed like the weird energy from their voice was some prophetic message to be interpreted, as though they were giving me a personal message as though they expected I knew it was happening as they did it but had I had queried them I know all of them would’ve denied such a thing.
People would literally switch personalities in front of me, I would come to learn from this experience there isn’t many people if any people who don’t have some alter identity, and they commonly change personalities while they are talking to you, its quite challenging to be normal like I know normal when this stuff was going on, I couldn’t control the fear happening in me when I was in the presence of these people who were like this whose eye’s changed colour. It was bad like this I believe because a demon was temporarily in them that I could see the outline of at times in other circumstances going into them and using the person against me to try trip me up and make me flip out or be weird in front of them and to make me afraid.
I felt like I had no power over these situations that were happening, it was like day in day out pandemonium, trying to find some closure to this experience but not having any weapon or knowledge to know how to deal with it.
I found knowledge later on as I learnt to love and believe I was loved, and at one point I had this colour thing happen in church one day, the pastor was speaking and there seemed to be colour coming on him like in past times I had seen it in these experiences, but this time it looked like heaven was speaking through him, he even had a different way he moved around while speaking that was unlike his normal way, it looked more authoritative and his message was really good it was something to do with apostolic things and I cant remember much else now, but I realise from then that what you believe about love has a great deal to do with what you experience in the spirit.
This is scriptural too. In Philippians 1:9-10 it says:
9 This I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and all discernment; 10 so that you may approve the things that are excellent; that you may be sincere and without offense to the day of Christ.
I take this to mean love has a lot to do with your discernment especially knowing things that are good.
So what I found out then is that there seems to be a experience of this dimension that will shift and be either good or bad depending on how you discern according to the love you have. This may not be true in every case of being in this place, as I’ve discovered it will sometimes come upon you at any time no matter what you’re doing and you cant control it well more to the point I don’t know how to control it yet it seems to be a dimension shift bought on by either your seer gift showing you something you need to know, or the enemy causing you to be in this realm to freak you out or mess with you for some reason.
So that’s it for this part of the story. There are things I want to share more, but I have much to learn on this subject I’m not in the place now to divulge to much info on it as I still need to process more and experience other things, but I want to tell you if you are schizophrenic and understand what I’ve been talking about or maybe you’re a seer and you just don’t have a clue whats going on, there is hope, you don’t have to be caught up in this mess you’re in with either the illness schizophrenia (which is a demon) or not knowing what to do to make yourself more stable, there is answers for these things.
If you have questions please send me a message or you can read some of my other posts to learn more about the things I have learn’t and done to overcome some of the illness and use my seer gifting and discernment of spirits gift more effectively.