I’ve outgrown church and the equality argument seems unfair to people who truly need equality and justice.

The ring of life span on a tree seems to indicate things like age and seasons that were harsh, have you thought about this in respect to the soul and mind? What if the things you think about are like rings around a tree and when you outgrow old thinking change it some way, you get into a new realm of your life?

How about seasons or hardship? What if you are in a season of hardship what would that do to your soul? Would the wound show up some way in your conscious mind?

For me something happened this morning the experience of hardness in my season I’m in now a new season, its the time I’m finding my identity and growing in God and I have to change my thinking, but what if your new thinking doesnt come to you in your head as easily as it does when you speak to someone or write?

Sometimes a new season is marked by hardship, other times its marked by peace and tranquility or much greatness, whatever it is its definitely a new season you’re in and you know it.

The thing with my season its been going for so long now and the hardness this morning was a result of growing beyond what ive been in, one things for sure the rings on the tree don’t go back on themselves, they expand and grow and I found myself in church, one I had not been to before, it started off feeling like the place was in hell, then the energy changed to be like a heavenly energy, then holy spirit comforted the room, I was distant and dissociated in my heart and soul and was not really present for most of the sermon or worship and essentially most of the morning I was there, something was wrong but good too, it seemed to get better as the morning progressed, I came across typically known charasmatic programs in a service, like the scriptures about money in the tithe and offering time, then the encouraging testimony of how god blessed the pastor, it was a nice thought, but I was kinda over it in a way and laughed in a manner like “oh this is still happening in church, com’n get a move on and get with the times”.

I found I had outgrown church I no longer needed a sermon to pick me up each week, I no longer needed the encouragement of a testimony, I no longer needed to be told how I need to give to bless people and my own life by tithing, I’ve got it I’ve heard it, can I forget? Most certainly, its good and a scriptural principal to remind each other of things. But this I heard in my mind in the morning as soon as I got in something like “church is a self driven thing” that was my thinking when I got there. I didnt sense I was there to serve or know God, I didn’t encounter any major revelation in this thinking but it served me to realise and start the process of seeing, I’m over it, I cant do christian charasmatic pentecostal style services at the moment and even more so I’m not sure I can do most church events like that right now.

I feel like I’ve moved on in my thinking and knowledge of the bible in such a way that the known stuff I’ve heard so much before is like a way different set of feelings and thoughts that I’m not used to at the moment, I feel like I’ve grown more than church can accommodate me, I dont see my working in a church anytime soon, I dont see myself being a christian pew sitter for another 20 years doing the same thing each week its not even right to say that but I know its the reality in my mind, I cant do it, I have to leave church, I have to, its not giving me what I want in my heart regarding the kingdom right now I know there is a time in my heart I feel I believe I may venture into serving somewhere at a congregation in some point in my life, but now, I want more than love for a sermon in my soul to find God, I want and desire and like the real encounter with God in my heart that I missed so much in charasmatic and church environments.

They just cant accommodate certain people at the moment and Im in this place thinking I should be going to a homegroup or some body of people to mingle with but I dont want to do it anymore, I cant at the moment, life is to short to waste any more time on trying to serve God sitting in a pew each sunday morning when I dont even know what Im serving him for in that capacity. I don’t even know why I like doing to church other than some unconscious awareness in my heart and mind and body that I’m in gods love and church and he wants me to be in love with the comfort he brings me, but I want to know does serving God in a pew on a sunday make my week complete? Or does it start me on a spiral of wierdness thinking Im getting somewhere in life when really I’m going nowhere I want to go.

I dont know my heart in all this sometime or another I need to know my heart in all this experience. But for what I know at the moment, church was hard today and even though it was a new place with new faces, I just had simply outgrown my love for coming ‘home’ to church each sunday and sitting down being passive and living like I’m in love but I dont serve the love and heart of God in a way that makes my life any more purposeful and meaningful than if I stayed at home or went to work that day.

Whats really beginning in me is a new journey in to the unknown, I dont know where my life is taking me in some short space of time, I find there is a new season here beginning as one comes to a halt, the life or church service by sitting in pews on sundays is not my kind of thing for my heart and mind right now, I need love support companionship, I need to meet and talk with people who are not just in church, I need fellowship that is deeply rooted in Godly thinking and love so peaceful it comforts the heart and mind like no other, I need a new way of life that is more than the body of christ is and has been offering me for quite some time now, is the body of christ not able to give more?

Not at all, the church is able to do much more, or should I say the called out which is where the word church is wrongly translated in the New Testament, the greek word for church is actually not in the bible at all its a different word, the word in every scripture in the New Testament that we see the english word church is the greek word Ecclesia or The called out, this is where I am right now, I am called out of the world in to the body of Jesus christ and called to be heavenly minded not worldly and the more that I agree with Gods word, the more I see that certain occupations are not going to fit me I’m not going to be able to function doing much that the world has to offer that I am capable and willing to do.

This is not lazyness, but a heart that is broken from old wounds can make it seem very hard to do certain things, besides that I have skill learning problems, I dont have the emotional capacity to spend copious amounts of hours learning worldly knowledge at a TAFE (tertiary college) or university to upskill, I dont want to either I cant work in the skills I love to use without a lot of difficulty finding jobs that will allow me to use them inline with the word without causing to much problems.

For instance I think I mentioned it in a previous post I cant recall, but in short the bible says to Touch no unclean thing” and certain meat like bacon and pork shellfish etc is unclean so just about every kitchen in almost every restaurant around my city is off limits because of that as most places use pork or shellfish in some capacity, so my skill in cooking cant be used in those environments for that reason, theres more with another skill but its not really the need I have to get into now.

The point is the closer you get to God and separate from the world you find there is less and less you can get involved in, in this life without getting effected in your soul and life in some way that is detrimental to your well being unless you do it in a godly way. And thats where transformation comes in, this transformation needs to happen in all of us who are christ centred and born again spirit filled believers, we need a reformation and revolution of thinking, we cant keep going on in this insane living experience we dare to call love and life and neglect the weightier matters of the law.

Lets talk justice for a moment, we hear in places on the internet and television about this gay marriage issue and the argument for equality I find it disgustingly ugly this mentality that people have that are even christian sometimes where they find it necessary to spend hours debating the need to promote a sinful lifestyle by making it seem like theres a way it can become normal if we let it be given rights, let me ask you, if I was a thief and identified as one, would you allow me to have rights to come into your house and take whatever I wanted when ever I wanted on the basis of equality? You wouldnt would you? If the LGBTQI agenda is really about equality and fairness for all beliefs then the same rule must be applied to thiefs a theif believes he wants something someone else has, he doesnt want to have to pay for it or ask for it, he takes it, thats who he / she is, if you want equality will you give the thief the equality he supposedly deserves because of the possibility that they might be crying out to be given fairness and equality, (Thief: I NEED A TOASTER!!! “TAKES YOURS”) he wants the same things as everyone else gets, he / she is poor and unskilled why not let them take what they want? It seems fair if you go by the LGBTQI argument about equality and fairness for people, but we know thats stupid dont we? Or do we?

If equality is really about giving everyone equality then I ask you will you consider the millions of poverty stricken people in third world countries who cant even buy bread or milk, let alone buy clean water easily in some places, but have to walk 9 or 10 kilometers + to get it at time, we can talk about equality for everyone, but if its going to be talked about, lets bring up some major world wide issues and domestic issues that plague our societies that people desperately need some equal ground on, like blind people, will you pay for thousands of blind peoples surgery in other nations? What bout domestic violence, will you house and accommodate women and children who are in domestic violence situation and advocate for them? Will you be a friend to a person with schizophrenia or bi polar or depression? Will you help them overcome there loneliness and fears? Will you pay for their groceries and buy it for them because they are to poor and unable to work or to sick to take care of themselves? Will you alleviate the pain of someone who has lost someone they love and give them a phone call and a hug and hang out with them over coffee and be their friend? What about babies will you give babies a stable home when one or both of there parents is giving it up for adoption, don’t all people deserve to be equally treated and have a mum and dad in their home and someone to look after them and be a brother or sister to them?

We can talk about equality but if you are going to, then you need to actually live up to the standard you and others so desire to bring to others like the LBGTQI movement and bring equality to all people and advocate for them as well, these issues I’ve mentioned are not even exhaustive there is much more that can be said on the issue of justice and equality, I feel we are so focused on this agenda not because it is a matter close to our hearts but because we have been lied to about the truth of what should be given equality and justice, we have been made to believe its important to have sexual pleasure that is sinful legalised with a bit of paper so its given rights and vehemently advocate for it even when we are not that way inclined, but not pay the same amount of passion and attention to fixing the problem of homelessness or mental illness, or domestic violence or sex trafficking of little girls and boys which among many other things, are a more pressing and painful problem for our societies to be free and healed from than the issue of homosexual marriage that really wont affect many people in regards to taking away their pain and suffering and lack.

I don’t know how I got on to all that other than it was bothering me in my heart and mind and sub conscious, I needed to vent I hope you see my heart on this, its been a hard day emotionally, I’ve had enough of holding on to all the pain in my heart about these issues, I need it out there to be heard, bless you all and I hope you have a wonderful day, feel free to comment and say you mind and thoughts whatever they are. Thank you for reading.

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